How to Survive Dinner with Your In-Laws

First Impressions Matter: Start Strong

The moment you walk through the door, you’re being judged. Not in a mean-spirited way (okay, maybe a little), but your in-laws are sizing you up, consciously or not. So, it’s crucial to start the evening off right.

Dress the Part, but Don’t Overdo It

You don’t need to show up dressed like you’re attending a royal wedding. That would only make them wonder what exactly you’re trying to prove. At the same time, rolling up in a faded t-shirt that says “Taco Tuesday Forever” might send the wrong message. Aim for something clean, simple, and comfortable, saying, “I am taking this seriously, but I am still me.”

Bring a Thoughtful Gift

No, you don’t have to arrive with a hand-carved wooden sculpture of their family crest. But bringing a small token of appreciation shows you’re considerate. Think flowers, a nice bottle of wine, or a dessert that doesn’t scream, “I panicked at the last minute and grabbed this at the gas station.” Avoid anything too personal—nothing says “awkward,” like gifting your father-in-law the wrong brand of cologne.

10 Quick Tips on How to Survive a Dinner with Your In-Laws

These ten quick tips provide essential advice for surviving dinner with your in-laws. Arrive on time, bring a small gift, compliment the food, and keep conversations light. Avoid controversial topics, stay positive, and offer to help clean up. Handle criticism gracefully and leave when the time is right for a stress-free evening.

1. Arrive On Time: Punctuality shows respect and thoughtfulness, setting a positive tone.
2. Bring a Small Gift: A thoughtful gesture like wine or dessert demonstrates appreciation without going overboard.
3. Compliment the Food: Even if it’s not your favorite, find something about the meal to complement and break the ice.
4. Engage in Conversation: Ask questions and show interest in their lives to keep the conversation flowing.
5. Avoid Controversial Topics: Steer clear of politics, religion, or any subject that could ignite tension.
6. Stay Positive: Maintain an optimistic attitude throughout the meal, even if things get awkward.
7. Offer to Help Clean Up: Volunteering to help shows consideration and can ease any post-dinner tension.
8. Don’t Take Criticism Personally: If you receive unsolicited advice, smile, nod, and remember it’s likely well-intended.
9. Keep Conversations Light: To avoid conflict, stick to neutral topics like hobbies, recent trips, or family anecdotes.
10. Know When to Leave: Pay attention to cues that the evening is winding down, and make your exit graciously.

Conversation: The Fine Art of Not Offending

The dinner table can feel like an obstacle course of potential social blunders. From politics to parenting, there’s a lot of room for things to go south fast. You aim to keep the conversation flowing smoothly—think of less choppy waters and more lazy rivers.

Avoid the Hot Topics

Unless you want to ignite a family feud, stay away from the big three: politics, religion, and money. These subjects are the Bermuda Triangle of dinner conversation. You go in; you don’t come out unscathed. Instead, steer towards safer, neutral territory. Ask them about their hobbies, recent trips, or non-controversial events. If all else fails, compliment their cooking. Who can argue with that?

Master the Art of Listening

This is where many people slip up. You might think you’re doing fine, nodding while your mother-in-law explains her latest gardening conquest, but inside, you’re drafting your escape plan. Instead, listen. Ask follow-up questions. Even if you couldn’t care less about the difference between petunias and marigolds, showing genuine interest will earn you serious points. And remember, there’s a fine line between a polite conversationalist and a serial interrupter.

Handle Awkward Silences with Humor

There will be lulls in conversation. It’s inevitable. You’re not hosting a TED Talk. The key is not to let the silence hang awkwardly like a bad smell. Use humor to break the ice. A light-hearted joke or self-deprecating comment can work wonders. Just be careful—this isn’t the time to unleash your raunchiest material. Keep it family-friendly.

Nonconfrontational Conversation Starters for Dinner with Your In-Laws

These conversation starters will help you keep the mood light and pleasant while dining with your in-laws. They focus on neutral topics, encouraging positive, engaging discussions without sparking conflict.

• “Have you been on any trips lately?”
  Travel stories are always a safe and exciting topic.
• “What’s your favorite family recipe?”
  It is a great way to show interest in family traditions.
• “Do you have any plans for the weekend?”
  Simple, forward-looking questions keep the conversation casual.
• “Have you seen any good movies or shows recently?”
  Entertainment is a neutral and easy-to-discuss subject.
• “How’s the garden/yard coming along?”
  If they enjoy gardening or outdoor activities, this can lead to pleasant conversation.
• “Tell me about your hobbies!”
  People love talking about their passions, and it avoids controversial topics.
• “How did you two meet?”
  Asking about their past creates a nostalgic and lighthearted atmosphere.
• “Any fun family stories you like to share?”
  Encourages them to reminisce and share enjoyable moments.
• “What’s your favorite place to eat out around here?”
  Food is always a safe topic and can lead to interesting recommendations.
• “Any upcoming celebrations or family events we should know about?”
  Keeps the conversation focused on family and plans, avoiding sensitive topics.

Dealing with Criticism: Smile and Nod

At some point during the evening, your in-laws will probably offer you “advice.” Maybe it’s about your career choices, your cooking skills, or how you load the dishwasher (apparently, there’s only one right way to do that). No matter how irrelevant or unwelcome their critique, the best response is simple: smile and nod.

Don’t Take It Personally

This is key. They might criticize your lifestyle, clothes, or parenting techniques (if applicable). Whatever it is, remind yourself that they mean well. This is their way of “helping.” Or, at least, that’s what you’ll tell yourself so you don’t snap back with, “Well, actually, Sharon, I prefer not to spend three hours peeling organic carrots, thank you very much.”

Offer a Polite Acknowledgment

If your mother-in-law insists that your shoes are impractical for the weather (as if you weren’t aware of the weather), a simple “You’re probably right” is all you need. You don’t have to agree with them, but acknowledging their point without escalating the conversation is a skill worth mastering. It keeps the peace and, frankly, helps you get through dessert.

Surviving the Critique of Your Partner

Ah, yes, the inevitable moment when your in-laws start reminiscing about how perfect their child is. You’ll hear stories of their youthful glory, impeccable manners, and jaw-dropping achievements—stories that paint your spouse as the golden child who once single-handedly saved a baby seal from drowning (okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, but you get the point).

Celebrate Their Nostalgia

Let them bask in their child’s achievements. They’re proud parents, and this is their time to shine. Instead of feeling defensive or inadequate by comparison, lean into it. Ask for more stories, laugh along with them, and throw in a comment about how amazing it is to have such a wonderful partner. It might sting a bit, but this way, you won’t come across as the buzzkill who can’t handle their partner’s past.

Know When to Leave: Exit Gracefully

Like all good things, dinner with the in-laws must end. And believe me, knowing when to leave is just as important as knowing how to go.

Read the Room

If the conversation starts to lag, and people are beginning to check their watches (or worse, their phones), it’s time to wrap things up. You don’t want to overstay your welcome, leaving everyone silently praying for your departure. Make a graceful exit by thanking them for the evening and praising the meal one last time.

Avoid the “Irish Goodbye”

This is not the time to slip out unnoticed. Bid farewell with a handshake, a hug, or a smile—whatever your relationship with them warrants. Say your goodbyes, compliment the meal (yes, again), and express your gratitude for the invitation. Then, breathe a sigh of relief as you walk out the door, knowing you survived the evening without a major catastrophe.